MLB Preview: White Sox Preview

After being interrupted by real sports news, today brings about a slower pace.  That slower pace is baseball.  Continuing with our regional previews, I sought out a White Sox Fan.  Then I realized, I don’t know any White Sox fans.  Rather than trying to make more friends, I turned to my bad habit.  I figured Twitter would bring me an endless amount of Sox fans.  Apparently though, I was wrong.  The only takers I got to write the White Sox preview, were Cubs Fans.  Ergo, this is the 2010 White Sox Preview brought to you by the Des Moines Sports Freaks, as written by Joe Brandstatter…die hard Sox hater.

Somewhere deep on the Southside of Chicago a little boy is drifting asleep holding his Ozzie Guillen autographed glove and dreaming of possibilities, excitement, and hope that the 2010 Chicago White Sox will bring.  The same little White Sox fan is also dreaming that one day his dad will get out of the Cook County Jail.

The 2010 White Sox are coming off a disappointing third place finish in the truly truly sh!tty American League Central. In order to compete with the likes of the Twins and Tigers, the Sox sent some overpaid vets to the curb this offseason including outfielders Jermaine Dye and Scott Podsednik, as well as reliever Octavio Dotel.  What is General Manager Kenny Williams plan to compete in the AL Central?  You guessed it, more shitty old vets.  Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre, Omar Vizquel, and JJ Putz come on down!! Unfortunately, Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson was retained for his 76th season of calling the TV broadcast.  MERCY!

Here’s a quick and dirty position breakdown for MLB’s version of the Raiders:

C- AJ Pierzynski:  The guy is 33 years old and still dyes his hair blonde and dabbles in professional wrestling.  This puts AJ one barb-wire tat and Affliction t-shirt away from a full-throttled douchebag.  I bet he watches The Hills too.  Pierzynski is solid behind the plate, and manages to hit .300 every year, drive in 50 RBI, and not strike out.  Bottom Line: An older, gayer, less talented Joe Mauer

1B- Paul Korneko:  “Pauly Boy” is coming off a solid year where he hit 28 home runs and drove in 88 RBIs.  Early in the 2000’s Korneko was voted Chicago’s Most Eligible Bachelor.  It was the same year Randy Johnson was the sexiest man alive.  Bottom Line:  Still serviceable, but on the downside of a respectable career.

2B-Gordan Beckham:  Ozzie Guillen sets the English language back to the Cro-Magnon era (yes, they spoke English) when he tries to pronounce this name, but damn this kid is good.  He played 3B last year as a rookie, but will be moving to 2B to accommodate Mark Teahan.  Bottom Line:  He’s 23, he should have been AL ROY and could start for a lot of AL teams.

SS-Alexei Ramirez:  Fast as (DSM Sports Freak Edit…word that rhymes with Duck).  Other than that he sucks.

3B-Mark Teahen: Kenny Williams pulled Teahen from the burning pile of trash that is the Kansas City Royals.  Sidebar: Kaufmann Stadium is still a great stadium to get hammered.  Some buddies of mine managed to sneak in a handle of Captain on $1 Pepsi night back in 2007.  We bought Hy-Vee “View Level” seats, but moved to the front row on the 1^st base line. I’m pretty sure a full Miller Lite was spilled on a fat kid.  Teahen went 0-5 that night (I get drunk and keep the book).  Digressing, Sox acquired the underachieving Teahen for Josh Fields and Chris Getz in the offseason.  Bottom Line:  He’s in the prime of his career, but the Royals gave up on him which isn’t good. Low risk, low reward.

OF- Juan Pierre:  Pierre had a decent year with the Dodgers in 2009 filling in for the ManRam when he was busted for popping fertility pills.  Pierre has 13 career home runs which is what every GM wants from a corner outfielder.  Bottom Line:  Pierre was a borderline superstar and then he got traded to the Cubs.  The rest is history.

OF- Alex Rios:  During the 2009 offseason, the Sox claimed Rios and his contract running through 2014.  Oh yea, the Sox also picked up the remaining $64 million on his deal.  Sometimes a legend like Rios needs a change of scenery to straighten things out.  After acquiring Rios from the Jays, he batted .199, 3 HRs, and 49 RBIs over 41 games.  That makes Vance Law look like Ted Williams.   Bottom Line:  This move will lead to the firing of Kenny Williams before 2014.  High risk, no reward.

OF-Carlos Quientin:  He had a lot of injury problems in 2009 and only played in 99 games.  A healthy Quientin could provide some pop in the Sox lineup. Bottom Line:  If healthy, Quientin could hit 40 HRs.  If not, Sox fan will urn for the Brian Anderson days.

DH- Mark Kotsay/Andruw Jones:  This is the best argument imaginable for eliminating the DH.  Is Matt LeCroy not available on waivers?

Pitchers in two words:

Jake Peavy: Always hurt

Mark Buehrle:  Hawk mancrush

Gavin Floyd: Young Stud

John Denks: Good four

Freddy Garcia:  Has been

Bobby Jenks: Fat, effective.

2010 Season Projections: 78-82 (2^nd in the AL Central: yep, it’s that bad).  Expect Kenny Williams to go all Tobias Funke and have a firesale if things are looking bleak at the break.